IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#educationalists #child #instrument
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 a musical
Use synonyms
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
show examples
 inexorably in recent years, there is an opinion that the teaching of playing
musical
Add an article
a musical
show examples
Use synonyms
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
show examples
 should be given to all
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it can bring a number of benefits to young people, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because I think
it’s
Use synonyms
 unnecessary in many situations. On the one hand, it is beneficial
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to play an
instrument
Use synonyms
. It can inspire young people with a sense of accomplishment and foster their self-esteem. As a child learns to play an
instrument
Use synonyms
 and become more proficient, they may experience a sense of achievement and boast about their progress.
In addition
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 enhance their concentration and discipline
along with
Linking Words
 the ability to play an
instrument
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 stand in front of their friends or
crowd
Correct article usage
a crowd
show examples
, if they can read the
interpret
Wrong verb form
interpreted
show examples
 sheet music or play an
instrument
Use synonyms
, it makes them feel more confident and
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to express their skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe
it’s
Use synonyms
 totally unnecessary.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I would contend that young people embark on learning to play an
instrument
Use synonyms
. the enormous cost incurred to cover musical instruments and lessons will put a strain on
parent’s
Fix the agreement mistake
parents’
show examples
 coffers leading to
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 not every family can afford.
Secondly
Linking Words
, not every child has an interest in or aptitude for music, simultaneously
it’s
Use synonyms
 important to respect and encourage their individual interests. Every one of
children
Use synonyms
 has different talents and skills,
therefore
Linking Words
 parents should not impose their minds and desires
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
’.
As a result
Linking Words
, caregivers need to support their
children
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in practicing
show examples
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 and learning in the fields that they love to reach their full potential In conclusion, playing a musical
instrument
Use synonyms
 can support the mental and emotional development of a child.
However
Linking Words
, I think
it’s
Use synonyms
 unnecessary because a large amount of money
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to afford
and
Correct pronoun usage
it and
show examples
unfits
Wrong verb form
unfit
show examples
 for all
children
Use synonyms
Submitted by Bravid Nguyen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: