IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An increasing number of people are choosing cosmetic surgery for changing their appearance. What can be the reasons for this? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #it’s #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie
chart
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top illustrates the percentage of the type of
employment
Use synonyms
 of the Anthropology students after graduation
while
Linking Words
 the table
chart
Use synonyms
 at the bottom shows
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about their stipend rate following 5 years of work in various sectors.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is visible that full-
time
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 is the most prevalent destination in which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Anthropologist works when they finish university. Meanwhile,
working
Correct pronoun usage
those working
show examples
 for the government can get
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 income than those working as freelance consultants and in private companies. Regarding the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, the percentage of anthropologists working in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 ranks first
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 52
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, followed by
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and those without
occupation
Add an article
the occupation
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 12
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, graduates take
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 postgraduate study and unidentified positions at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar proportions of 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The cooperation
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 and higher education study is responsible for only a small minority, recorded at 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Looking closely at the table
chart
Use synonyms
, 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
graduates
Change preposition
of graduates
show examples
 working in the government sector can earn over $100000 after 5 years, followed by those working as freelance consultants with 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In more detail, these sectors share
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar pattern with identical figures at the two lowest pay bands, with 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the $25000 to $49999 range, and 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 earning $50000 to 74999 a year.
Lastly
Linking Words
, private industry salaries accounted
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
for 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
earning
Correct pronoun usage
those earning
show examples
 $50,000 to $74,999 and only 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the lowest income range,
while
Linking Words
 25% and 30% of graduates made $75,000 – $99,999 and $100,000+, respectively.
Submitted by luudang97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: