IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of suger, which causes many health problems. Sugery products should be made more expensive to cncourage people to consume less suger.

#food #drink #products #level #suger #health #sugery #cncourage #people
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It is argued that numerous processed food and beverage products contain
high
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a high
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
sugar
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, which can result in a lot of
health
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 issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
price
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 of sugary products should be more expensive to prevent
people
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 from consuming more
sugar
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
sugar
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 is indeed
one
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 of
key
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the key
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 factors leading to serious diseases and raising its
price
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 will make
people
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 less likely to consume
sugar
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.
Sugar
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is widely know
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is widely known
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 as
one
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 of the reasons why
people
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 are suffering from
health
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 problems. It is because
sugar
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 overconsumption may result in several diseases including diabetes and obesity. Given
this
Linking Words
 fact,
people
Use synonyms
 should indeed lower their
sugar
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 intake to prevent these aforementioned
health
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 issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, based on a study conducted by the University of Indonesia in 2020, it was reported that the risk of diabetes and
overweight
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being overweight
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 could be decreased
up
Change preposition
by up
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 to 45% when the
sugar
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 intake was limited to 5 grams per day.
In addition
Linking Words
, increasing the
price
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 of
sugar
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 will indeed help reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumption, as
people
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 will think harder before using
sugar
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 if they have to pay more money.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 consistent with
one
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 of
economic
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the economic
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 principles that stated the higher
price
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 of products might discourage consumers from purchasing or using the product.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 an annual report released by Manna Kampus,
one
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 of
well-known
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the well-known
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 local
chainstores
Correct your spelling
chain stores
, the purchasing rate of
sugar
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 declined significantly when the store decided to charge a higher
price
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 back in 2021. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees that the
price
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 of
sugar
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 should be raised as
this
Linking Words
 product may cause various
health
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 problems and the higher
price
Use synonyms
 will force
people
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 to lower their
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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