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Band 5.5

Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of separate rooms for work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#offices #open-space #designs #rooms #work #outweigh
Today most businessmen prefer to do
open-space
 designs rather than separate rooms for
work
. I think the drawbacks of
this
 development far outweigh the benefits. On the
one
 hand, doing
open-space
 ornaments for
work
 has some advantages.
Firstly
, if colleagues
work
 together in
one
 big area, they might be the best team. It can cause to improve the development and proceeds of the company.
Secondly
, since there are a lot of counterparts day by day for businessmen, they may not buy or engage a lot of rooms for their business.
For instance
, when people have only a big place for
work
, they do not have to pay for the excess things like lighting, electronics and
place
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a lot. From another angle,
although
 there are some merits, I think that the demerits of employing
open-space
 ornaments are much more serious.
Firstly
, there are different kinds of people. They have different views, thoughts, and interests.
In other words
, if they
work
 together in
one
 place, it might be not only inconvenient for them, but
also
 the
workers
 do not want to
work
 effectively.
Moreover
, any business consists of several parts of
work
 and
workers
. There are managers, instructors, engineers and ordinary
workers
 in
one
work
. They could not
work
 together as they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 various types of
work
.
Finally
, in my opinion, it might be better when the entrepreneur keeps a little distance from
workers
 as he or she has their own life and lifestyle.
To conclude
, even though employing
open-space
 designs brings some beneficial sights, the drawbacks of
this
 may outweigh, in my opinion.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat inconsistent. The points are not developed in a clear and organized manner, leading to confusion and lack of coherence. The essay lacks an effective introduction and conclusion, and the main points are not adequately supported with relevant examples and explanations. Improving the logical structure and coherence of the essay is essential to enhance the overall quality of the response.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the task. While some points are made regarding the advantages and disadvantages of open-space designs, the arguments are not well-developed, and the essay does not provide a clear and comprehensive analysis of the topic. Additionally, the lack of relevant specific examples weakens the overall task achievement. It is crucial to focus on providing a more complete and well-supported response that addresses all aspects of the given topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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