IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of separate rooms for work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#offices #open-space #designs #rooms #work #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today most businessmen prefer to do
open-space
Use synonyms
 designs rather than separate rooms for
work
Use synonyms
. I think the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 development far outweigh the benefits. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, doing
open-space
Use synonyms
 ornaments for
work
Use synonyms
 has some advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if colleagues
work
Use synonyms
 together in
one
Use synonyms
 big area, they might be the best team. It can cause to improve the development and proceeds of the company.
Secondly
Linking Words
, since there are a lot of counterparts day by day for businessmen, they may not buy or engage a lot of rooms for their business.
For instance
Linking Words
, when people have only a big place for
work
Use synonyms
, they do not have to pay for the excess things like lighting, electronics and
place
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a lot. From another angle,
although
Linking Words
 there are some merits, I think that the demerits of employing
open-space
Use synonyms
 ornaments are much more serious.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are different kinds of people. They have different views, thoughts, and interests.
In other words
Linking Words
, if they
work
Use synonyms
 together in
one
Use synonyms
 place, it might be not only inconvenient for them, but
also
Linking Words
 the
workers
Use synonyms
 do not want to
work
Use synonyms
 effectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, any business consists of several parts of
work
Use synonyms
 and
workers
Use synonyms
. There are managers, instructors, engineers and ordinary
workers
Use synonyms
 in
one
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. They could not
work
Use synonyms
 together as they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 various types of
work
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my opinion, it might be better when the entrepreneur keeps a little distance from
workers
Use synonyms
 as he or she has their own life and lifestyle.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though employing
open-space
Use synonyms
 designs brings some beneficial sights, the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 may outweigh, in my opinion.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat inconsistent. The points are not developed in a clear and organized manner, leading to confusion and lack of coherence. The essay lacks an effective introduction and conclusion, and the main points are not adequately supported with relevant examples and explanations. Improving the logical structure and coherence of the essay is essential to enhance the overall quality of the response.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the task. While some points are made regarding the advantages and disadvantages of open-space designs, the arguments are not well-developed, and the essay does not provide a clear and comprehensive analysis of the topic. Additionally, the lack of relevant specific examples weakens the overall task achievement. It is crucial to focus on providing a more complete and well-supported response that addresses all aspects of the given topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: