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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

young people are often influanced in their behaviours and situations by others of the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the Disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviours #situations #age #peer #pressure
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In
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced era, youngsters follow their surrounding people, who are in the same age group and
then
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 change their behaviours and attitudes.
This
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 is known as "peer
pressure
Use synonyms
". There are both merits and demerits to
this
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 situation. If asked, the demerits
are surpasses
Change the verb form
are surpassed
are surpassing
show examples
 the merits. My inclination is discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. Discussing the disadvantages of peer
pressure
Use synonyms
, the foremost one is that many young people face stress and strain, because they compare their abilities with
others
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, they feel sad and it leads to an increase in their anxiety level.
For instance
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, if someone not
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 the same award as
others
Use synonyms
 for their profession or study it makes them feel lower than
others
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, it may create jealousy among their friends or relatives.
As a result
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, they do not respect
others
Use synonyms
'
skills
Use synonyms
 or knowledge.
Moreover
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, young group people are not given importance to their
skills
Use synonyms
 or talent, but they run behind
others
Use synonyms
' achievements and careers.
Consequently
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, they become competitors and fight like warriors. Sometimes
also
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 they do something wrong to
others
Use synonyms
 and consume some toxic substance.
For example
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, many college students consume drugs because of education
pressure
Use synonyms
 and family
pressure
Use synonyms
. Parents always compare their children with their peers, and give force them to do better than
others
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
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, there are some pros too. To
initiate
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, peer
pressure
Use synonyms
 makes them better and gives them more confidence to develop their art.
they
Capitalize word
They
show examples
 may learn many things from their peers like sports activities, educational
skills
Use synonyms
 and other
skills
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, there are a few benefits
such
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 as enhancing their expertise and motivation from
others
Use synonyms
, but there are many drawbacks stress
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
strain and jealousy too.
However
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, my arguments prove that the disadvantages of
this
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 situation are more than the advantages.
Submitted by shitalbuha24 on

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task response
Provide a clear opinion on whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and support it throughout the essay. Address all parts of the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Create a more structured and coherent essay by organizing ideas logically and linking them together using appropriate cohesive devices.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used and choose more precise and appropriate words to convey meaning effectively.
grammatical range
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and demonstrate control of grammar throughout the essay.
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