IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Popular hobbies and interest change over time and are a reflection of fashion and trends, not indicators of what people actually want to do in their free time. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#hobbies #interest #change #time #reflection #fashion #trends #indicators #people
Changes are inevitable especially in
fashion
 in order not to become outdated.
While
 some
people
 believe that hobbies and
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 are mostly
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 by the latest trends and
fashion
 nowadays and not what they really wanted. I strongly agree with
this
 statement as those are the major contributing factor
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a person's personal
interest
. On the one hand, there are
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
fashion
 styles these days, from the classic or vintage look in the past to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 modern and
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
fashion
 style of today.
This
 change greatly
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 everyone's personal taste and style. Some even use the internet for browsing information about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent trends in
fashion
 and
immitate
Correct your spelling
imitate
 their style.
For example
, a teenager
coppied
Correct your spelling
copied
 the look of her
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 artist and
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 looking good in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public.
Thus
, searching for the latest
fashion
 is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 task nowadays for
people
 during their free time. On the second hand, peer pressure
also
 plays a vital role in influencing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's popular hobbies and
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
This
 is because
instead
 of performing their own leisure activities, they tend to focus more on what is the demand of other
people
 in their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
.
For instance
, an
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 girl interested
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reading books alone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 tried to mingle with her friends outside of their home and do outside activities.
Hence
, personal choice is often affected by someone's choice to keep fit in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion,
although
people
 can actually do their personal hobbies and
interest
 during their free time, I do believe that the latest trend in
fashion
 and peer pressure significantly affect
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 personal
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
.
Submitted by mercadolailanie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: