IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

'Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.' To what extent to you agree or disagree with the statement?

#computer #games #waste #time #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the past decade,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have become the favourite leisure activity among
children
Use synonyms
 and teenagers. It of course leads to a lot of consequences for
children
Use synonyms
's development and growth
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and plays a huge role in their value set forming and their future goals. Personally, I think that Computed hames have to be forbidden for
children
Use synonyms
 younger than 14 years old. In the following ,paragraphs I'm going to argue my opinion from 2 points of view: mental health and character forming. In terms of mental health, it is registered a high risk of mental illnesses like autism and retaining evolution in
children
Use synonyms
 to 4 years old who since infantile age are playing video
games
Use synonyms
 and watching videos.
Additionally
Linking Words
, offspring, especially boys, who are used to playing aggressive video
games
Use synonyms
 with war, shutting and monsters are supposed to manifest an aggressive bias
besides
Linking Words
 other
children
Use synonyms
 or even their parents.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 affects their personality development, as video
games
Use synonyms
 usually concentrate all
children
Use synonyms
's attention on them. As consequence, they lose interest in learning and self-developing,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 being the sense of their existence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is proved that
games
Use synonyms
-addicted people manifest weak social skills and suffer from a lack of communication, usually alone. As an example, a kid that spends all the time on the laptop playing by himself will probably be a shy, unsociable colleague with a lack of concentration and low academic success. In conclusion, I agree that
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have a destructive effect on
children
Use synonyms
's growth,
therefore
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have to be restricted for
children
Use synonyms
 under 14 as they are easier to influence. As an alternative, under strict parental control, some educational
games
Use synonyms
 may be allowed for
children
Use synonyms
, as they contribute to their multilateral development and helps them discover the world around them.
Submitted by verdesecaterina2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: