IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A person’s health is their own responsibility rather than the government’s responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Regarding the perspectives suggest that it is the obligation of individuals to take care of their
health
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of the government. I strongly disagree with
such
Linking Words
 opinions since governments have more power and resources to enhance the quality of
health
Use synonyms
 in public with different methods, including cultivating the younger generation with a healthy life-stylet and advancing medical systems. First of all, it is essential for young individuals to be aware of the importance to have an active life to reduce the diseases caused by lack of exercise.
Moreover
Linking Words
, schools that provide meals are able to assist their students to form healthy eating habits. With the help of
authoritiests
Correct your spelling
authorities
, youth could gain the essential knowledge to maintain a quality life in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, in the UK, the government start to encourage educational institutions to introduce correlative courses to foster students being aware of the nutrition contained in various foods,
along with
Linking Words
 it, knowing how to make smart choices regarding the food they intake.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is hard for private
pharmany
Correct your spelling
pharmacy
companie
Correct your spelling
companies
 to find solutions to cure rare diseases, which barely
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 commercial benefit, only government are able to invest a tidy sum to make progress in
such
Linking Words
 areas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is crucial for
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 to come out with policies to ensure the right for everyone to receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical care. In Taiwan, the national
health
Use synonyms
 insurance policy
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
everyonw
Correct your spelling
everyone
 to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical resources, including those who struggling
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 financial difficulties.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 fact that people should take care of
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 for having a
healthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
 life, the involvement of governments is essential since they have sufficient sources and influence, be it improving the acquisition of
Use synonyms
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 knowledge in schools,
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 advancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical systems.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my perspective,
governmnet
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 have the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people's
health
Use synonyms
.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal accountability
  • health outcomes
  • public health campaigns
  • regulations
  • healthcare services
  • environmental quality
  • socio-economic factors
  • governmental intervention
  • healthy living
  • informed health decisions
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