IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people suggest that it is a reasonable idea to organize school children’s ' transportation to educational institutions by the government but others say that it is parent's’ obligation responsibility.

#people #idea #school #children’s #transportation #institutions #government #parent #s’ #obligation #responsibility
In the present age, whether the
government
 should provide commute facilities to
students
 or not has sparked a lot of debate. Some people assert that the
government
 should take some initiative to provide transportation for
students
 to reach their respective educational institutions,
whereas
 others believe it is not
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of the
government
 but it is of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
. Personally , I am in favour of the former view.
Convincing
Add an article
A convincing
show examples
 argument can be made that
administrative
Correct article usage
an administrative
show examples
transport
 system provides more secure journies.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
transport
 provides safe and secure journeys so
parents
 do not have to worry about the safety of their
children
.
As a result
, the
parents
 can have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 peaceful life.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
administrative
transport
 covers almost all parts of the state including remote
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. Better
shcool
Correct your spelling
school
 options are available in the outskirts of the cities in most of the regions.
Therefore
, the
children
 will have vast choices of schools for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 studies.
Thirdly
, the
government
 has
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 wide network of transportation and they need to modify it a little bit to fulfil the needs of
children
.
For example
, They may add an extra stoppage in an existing route wherever institutions are there.
As a result
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the
students
 will start benefiting
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 reachability. Admittedly, the
parents
 dropping
children
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
school
 provides more flexibility and they do not have to wait for
a state vehicles
Correct the article-noun agreement
state vehicles
a state vehicle
show examples
 to come;
hence
, they will get more amount of time to study. Even so, these
students
 use
this
 extra time in unproductive activities so there is no additional benefit as
such
.
Consequently
, the benefits of
parents
 dropping
children
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
school
 are quite limited. In summary, I would concede that state
transport
 is better for
school
children
 rather than their
parents
 dropping them off at their
school
.
Overall
, I am convinced that the
government
 should provide
transport
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 schoolchildren
children
.
Submitted by kishanpatel2550 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: