Success is often measured in term of how much money someone has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?

#success #term #money #someone #wealth #measure #somebody

It is commonly thought that the

success

of any person is based on how much he or she is capable

to earn

Change preposition

of earning

show examples

. I do not agree with

this

opinion, as there are other factors that define successful individuals, as will be discussed in

this

essay. The main reason why

success

cannot only be measured by earned

money

is that not every affluent person has independently gained his fortune.

That is

to say, there are numerous examples of young businessmen who simply have not spent any effort to build their empires, as they were just heirs of wealthy members of society.

Moreover

, some individuals get quickly rich by means of illegal actions,

for example

, smuggling, drug dealing, rubbery and even organ trade.

Thus

, those cannot be considered successful members of society but criminals. That being said,

this

does not mean that wealthy persons are not successful. I believe that

success

is a broader definition that cannot be limited to the ability to collect

money

On the other hand

, there are a variety of factors that indicate whether the person is successful or not.

For example

, when a company are up to hiring a new

employer

Correct your spelling

employee

show examples

, they carefully look for specific qualities and achievements in his or her resume,

this

way they can tell how

much

Correct word choice

successful

show examples

he is

successful

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

in his career and can be expected to contribute to the growth of the enterprise.

Accordingly

this

is exactly how we should measure the

success

of any individual, by how much he achieved no matter how much he gains in terms of

money

Additionally

, being successful is not always related to a professional career.

For instance

, parents can be successful if they properly

raised

Wrong verb form

raise

show examples

their children to be effective members of society.

therefore

, I believe there are various definitions for

success

, both

money

-wise and

also

the social-wise aspects. To summarize, I firmly believe that

success

cannot be measured by only how much

money

people can earn.

As there

Correct word choice

There

show examples

are different aspects of

success

, including professional and social life.

Submitted by ahmedelkashawy101 on Thu Mar 09 2023

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coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of your essay could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Ensure your ideas flow smoothly and are well-connected throughout the essay.

task achievement

You have addressed the task, but your response lacks some depth and clarity. Try to provide a more comprehensive and well-developed response with clear examples and arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

335 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Success is often measured in term of how much money someone has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Some people say that the main aim of advertisements is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ACADEMIC WRITING TASK 2 Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? WRITE AT LEAST 250 WORDS