Success is often measured in term of how much money someone has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?

#success #term #money #someone #wealth #measure #somebody

It is commonly thought that the

success

of any person is based on how much he or she is capable

to earn

Change preposition

of earning

show examples

. I do not agree with

this

opinion, as there are other factors that define successful individuals, as will be discussed in

this

essay. The main reason why

success

cannot only be measured by earned

money

is that not every affluent person has independently gained his fortune.

That is

to say, there are numerous examples of young businessmen who simply have not spent any effort to build their empires, as they were just heirs of wealthy members of society.

Moreover

, some individuals get quickly rich by means of illegal actions,

for example

, smuggling, drug dealing, rubbery and even organ trade.

Thus

, those cannot be considered successful members of society but criminals. That being said,

this

does not mean that wealthy persons are not successful. I believe that

success

is a broader definition that cannot be limited to the ability to collect

money

On the other hand

, there are a variety of factors that indicate whether the person is successful or not.

For example

, when a company are up to hiring a new

employer

Correct your spelling

employee

show examples

, they carefully look for specific qualities and achievements in his or her resume,

this

way they can tell how

much

Correct word choice

successful

show examples

he is

successful

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

in his career and can be expected to contribute to the growth of the enterprise.

Accordingly

this

is exactly how we should measure the

success

of any individual, by how much he achieved no matter how much he gains in terms of

money

Additionally

, being successful is not always related to a professional career.

For instance

, parents can be successful if they properly

raised

Wrong verb form

raise

show examples

their children to be effective members of society.

therefore

, I believe there are various definitions for

success

, both

money

-wise and

also

the social-wise aspects. To summarize, I firmly believe that

success

cannot be measured by only how much

money

people can earn.

As there

Correct word choice

There

show examples

are different aspects of

success

, including professional and social life.

Submitted by ahmedelkashawy101 on Thu Mar 09 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of your essay could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Ensure your ideas flow smoothly and are well-connected throughout the essay.

task achievement

You have addressed the task, but your response lacks some depth and clarity. Try to provide a more comprehensive and well-developed response with clear examples and arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

335 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Some people believe that zoos have no place in the modern society, while others claim zoos are good places which are often used for beneficial purposes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, people argue that zoos are should be in touristic places and contrary to animal rights.
4.5
band
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?
Nowadays more and more professionals that play a key role in the social stability and development, including in the spheres of education and medicine prefer to find a job in more developed countries that provide more opportunities. Evidently, it creates a deficiency and lack of professional help in the above-mentioned spheres. This essay will address the problems such situation causes and conceivable solutions to redress it.
4
band
Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistakes, while others argue that adults should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many people claimed that young people are free to do any mistakes,in the other side, some suggest that adults have to stop them from doing so. This essay agrees that adults should prevent children from doing mistakes.
7
band
Weddings are more expensive in many countries nowadays when compared to the past . What is the reason behind this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, individuals spend more money to organize weddings than they did in the past. I believe that this is a negative development caused by the enormous number of guests that are invited.
4.5
band
With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays an increasing number of people are preferring fast food over conventional food as part of their regular diet due to their hectic lifestyle. While choosing fast food saves time and it tastes amazing, it is extremely unhealthy and dangerously ingrained as a staple diet in their daily needs.

Success is often measured in term of how much money someone has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that zoos have no place in the modern society, while others claim zoos are good places which are often used for beneficial purposes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?

Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistakes, while others argue that adults should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Weddings are more expensive in many countries nowadays when compared to the past . What is the reason behind this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?