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Band 5

young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #situation
Despite
tranquil
Correct article usage
the tranquil
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 and natural habitat of villages or rural areas
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
choiced
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by older ages, the generation z is considering living
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bigger
citiesi
Correct your spelling
cities
 towns or even the metropolis.
This
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
 problem and possible solutions for
this
 trend. The 2 main causes of
Correct article usage
the seperation
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seperation
Correct your spelling
separation
 of
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 and younger
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 in
a different locations
Correct the article-noun agreement
different locations
a different location
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 in
country
Add an article
the country
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 are economic inequality and inadequate service sector for
small
Add an article
the small
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 countryside. Young
people
 always be the source of economic growth and with
fresh
Add an article
the fresh
a fresh
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 workforce, countries develop their
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
annual incomes. It is true that most of the money
invested
Add a missing verb
is invested
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 in hospitals, workplaces, industrial sectors or
workcenters
Correct your spelling
work centers
 which are placed mostly in bigger cities. For those who
located
Add a missing verb
are located
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 countryside will be a burden for young
people
 because of their living preferences and conditions.
For example
,In Turkey, older
people
 who need
gediatric
Correct your spelling
geriatric
pediatric
 examination in a hospital have to change their locations for quality services because most young doctors prefer to work in the capital city.
In addition
 to
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
 result,
People
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 already retired and not working anyplace,
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an economic burden for their children.
Lower
Correct article usage
A lower
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 retirement salary
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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never
succeed
Correct subject-verb agreement
succeeds
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 to cover all expenses of them.
For instance
, in the USA every old
people
 have to work after retirement because of
Correct article usage
an increased
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increased
Replace the word
increase
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 in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation and rent prices. Some possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for
this
 issue
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 providing social security for elders and
distrubuting
Correct your spelling
distributing
 equal services all around the country. Improvement in security for older generations will increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economical trust and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these cities. In conclusion, older
people
 who are living in
a rural areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
rural areas
a rural area
show examples
 couldn't
seen
Change the verb form
see
be seen
show examples
 as an
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 burden for their heirs. Economical equality and equal
distrubusion
Correct your spelling
distribution
 of
servises
Correct your spelling
services
 should be provided for them.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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