The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar charts illustrate what
graduate
Use synonyms
and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
have done after finishing
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
in 2008 in England
also
Linking Words
, that these
students
Use synonyms
did not go into
a full-time jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a full-time job
full-time jobs
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, both
graduate
Use synonyms
and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
went to
further
Linking Words
study which got the highest
number
Use synonyms
of
students
Use synonyms
in the year 2008, but the
number
Use synonyms
of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
was much bigger than the postgraduate, it is 29,665.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, part-time
work
Use synonyms
comes in second place for postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
at 2,535, followed by unemployment at 1,625.
In addition
Linking Words
to voluntary
work
Use synonyms
had the lowest
number
Use synonyms
of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
, that was 345.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
of graduates
students
Use synonyms
that attended part-time
work
Use synonyms
or were not employed is almost the same 17,735 and 16,235 there is a small difference.
Lastly
Linking Words
, we have voluntary
work
Use synonyms
got
also
Linking Words
the
Add a missing verb
has the
show examples
least count of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
3,500. In conclusion,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
study was the highest proportion in both groups and the lowest one was the voluntary
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dialamustafaalwais on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, further".
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, number, work with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: