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Band 4.5

Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?

#people #environment #poverty #welfare #generations
Nowadays youth is more knowledgeable about the
problems
 like the environment, poverty and
animals’
Change noun form
animals
show examples
 issue than the
generation
 before.
I
Add a verb
amI
wasI
show examples
absolutely convinced that
this
 mindset of young
people
 will bring for
people
 huge benefits.
Firstly
, if
people
 become
think
Add the particle
to think
show examples
 about
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 earlier, it will be better for
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Because, there are several global issues in the
world
 like global warming or a lot of rubbish in the oceans,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 need to resolve these
problems
 as can be soon. Or another good reason to be more aware of those
problems
 is
generation’s
Correct article usage
the generation’s
show examples
 changing, I mean that more number of
people
 will be more active to protect their
world
,
due to
 their awareness. The second purpose is that
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
generation
 will teach their children how to save the
world
.
Consequently
, of
this
, new and new generations of
people
 will be more interested to save and protect the Earth, support to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals and
resolve
Wrong verb form
resolving
show examples
 the problem
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 poverty. Under these circumstances, helping and resolving these global, worldwide
problems
 will be more popular among
generation
Add an article
a generation
the generation
show examples
 of young
people
. The final cause is
people
 will be more
mindfulness
Replace the word
mindful
show examples
,
in other
words
Add the comma(s)
,words
show examples
 they themselves will want help to resolve those issues,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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 my close friend
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 most
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
 person I have ever known, and he always tries to help to resolve the pollution problem, he invariable divides his garbage to difference containers, and deliver plastic to the recycling points. In conclusion, there are several reasons why it
excellent
Add a missing verb
is excellent
show examples
 for our
world
 that young
people
 have become more aware
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global
problems
 than the previous
generation
.vv
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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