IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
The capitalistic system has forced to
people
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 in a huge amount of wages more essential
its
Change preposition
for its
show examples
 fulfilment. From my point of view, an occupation should meet individuals’ satisfaction rather than
money
 with their intrinsic motivation for maintaining the reason, which is core of the reason why they choose
this
 field, and for the countries welfare.
To begin
 with jobs' intrinsic
motivational
Replace the word
motivation
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enables the kernel of why human beings choose related departments for sustaining life. Inner motivation is not only perennial but
also
 helps to boost self-esteem which is another key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 individuals’ self-actualization and growth.
Moreover
, when
people
 do not stick with gaining profit they feel sufficient enough
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
Add a missing verb
do their
show examples
 job
while
 their internal motivation compensates
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
 of the work-induced type problems.
Furthermore
,
people
 who have been trying to their well-being through extrinsic motivational figures
such
 as
money
, confront the afterwards psychological problems. Owing to the nature of external awards humans associating their incomes with start to feel insufficient for their jobs' necessities. Preventing that with more
money
 only exacerbates the problems' core
while
 holding everyone to the vicious cycle. The latest research has shown that
people
 feeling
fatigue
Change the verb form
fatigued
show examples
 because of jobs-related issues show low capacity at the work conditions. That’s why attributing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work with only a higher salary can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the long-distance outcome of world welfare. In conclusion, even though
people
 have been with innate desires that could be fed with
money
, for egalitarian and utilitarian life conditions they should curb. Permanent awards
such
 as a sense of sufficient enough to field might be enforceable and for worldwide
development
Add a comma
,development
show examples
 these types of resources should be reinforced by anyone.
Submitted by aylaaltintas1995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: