IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced?

#doctors #computer #games #children #people
Many doctors agree that children spend a lot of time on
computer
games
 nowadays.
This
 habit develops mental and physical problems.
This
 essay will examine the problems which may arise using
computer
games
 and some possible solutions.
Firstly
, Children’s mental and physical state is damaged by playing
computer
games
, because playing
games
 is one of the strongest habits today.
Firstly
, one of the main problems is wasting life.
This
 has led to them reducing real talk, which in turn has resulted in making them more introverted.
Secondly
, another possible issue is enhancing fury which may make them angrier in future. More likely, online chatting is not under control by game makers and most gamers are free to say whatever they want.
Therefore
, children’s minds think it’s absolutely normal to use bad words in real life. It is readily apparent, that game companies need to add communication rules to their products. Some corporations have started to add bad word checkers to their products that can check all the information if it consists of bad words. Another method of reducing the game’s influence is adding the parent’s control which can close the game if the player reaches a limit.
As a result
, the youngsters would have free time that they could spend on their needs
instead
 of wasting life on
computer
games
.
To conclude
, it is plain to see that online
games
 have a huge impact on children’s growth. It could be reduced by adding the parent’s control or creating some checkers.
Submitted by andrienko-a7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: