IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples

#childcare #courses #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that parents need adequate knowledge to raise their kids in an appropriate way. I totally agree with the statement that childcare training programs should be made compulsory in
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
 essay we shall discuss it in detail. On the one hand,
such
Linking Words
 training courses should be provided by the government and other local bodies. It could be useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guardian whose infants need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
special care.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a child has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
with
birth
Add an article
a birth
show examples
defect
Change the noun form
defects
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as cerebral palsy or musculoskeletal disorders,
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of training would be life-saving as
this
Linking Words
 could be diagnosed early with proper education and experience.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that making
such
Linking Words
 programs mandatory would help society &
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 mothers who goes through
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 stage in the first few months after childbirth. Parents can obtain different information like vaccination breastfeeding benefits and
nutrition
Correct article usage
the nutrition
show examples
 of a child. And
also
Linking Words
 common health-related problems, different development at stages and issues with their growth etc. can be learned through
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 courses. A recent survey shows that 70% of women who work in corporate or private sectors would not provide time for their offspring. As they are busy with their work. Adequate knowledge through
this
Linking Words
 training can
also
Linking Words
 be beneficial for
such
Linking Words
 parents.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would like to come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that knowledge never goes
waste
Fix the infinitive
to waste
show examples
 the more you learn the more you improve
therefore
Linking Words
, the childcare training program should be made compulsory to learn and to share the experience with society
Submitted by mg.mohiuddin76 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: