IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages togeather. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #togeather
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Some rituals especially music could combine all community pupils together
at
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on
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 any
occasions
Fix the agreement mistake
occasion
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 believed
most
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by most
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of
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apply
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individuals
Add an article
the individuals
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. Many years ago, the ancestors will design a day to conduct cultural programmes in order to join each family member and make them participate in the events.
Hence
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, some of the examples are provided in the upcoming paragraphs with respect
the
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to the
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 statement.
According to
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 mythology, various incidences took place in history
wheresome
Correct your spelling
where some
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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popular musicians like kanakadasa will be greeted by the Kings on special days in the Palace and
conduct
Wrong verb form
conducted
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 a few programmes which permit all common people within the Mansion in order to have fun and share the joys between all the pupils. There are several proofs
has
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have
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 been organised by a few researchers by publishing the paintings earlier which is drawn by
paintersduring
Correct your spelling
painters during
 the early period. At present, we could able to see some of the series or movies which clearly expanded the moment.
Hence
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,
thesame
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the same
 system was carried out by the people for a tightening of the relationship. In modern days, various rituals were
diminishedeach
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diminished each
 day
due to
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a busy schedules
Correct the article-noun agreement
busy schedules
a busy schedule
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 but the wedding occasion and weekend parties could able to see everyone spending their moments with songs and orchestra. Because
,
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apply
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 the people believe music is long term relaxation for all ages. During the new year, in most
of
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apply
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Add an article
the themetropolitan
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themetropolitan
Correct your spelling
the metropolitan
 cities, all aged individual family members and friends will get together at midnight. During Christmas, in the church can see some choir will be sung by girls and move to each house as
partt
Correct your spelling
part
 of their culture.
Thus
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, it is proven that music is the best medicine for hands together. In conclusion, I am agreeing with the statement provided that the orchestra, concert and other musical management programs will make
thecommunity
Correct your spelling
the community
 hands up without any differentiation of any age
as well as
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 culture.
Submitted by aishwaryarkunnummal on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • transcend
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural barriers
  • linguistic barriers
  • cultural exchange
  • traditions
  • instruments
  • rhythms
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • diversity
  • intergenerational bonding
  • age gap
  • popular music trends
  • global events
  • festivals
  • shared experiences
  • sense of community
  • technological advances
  • digital platforms
  • streaming services
  • accessible
  • cross-cultural
  • connections
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