Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages togeather. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some rituals especially music could combine all community pupils together
at
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on
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any
occasions
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occasion
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believed
most
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by most
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of
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apply
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individuals
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the individuals
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. Many years ago, the ancestors will design a day to conduct cultural programmes in order to join each family member and make them participate in the events.
Hence
, some of the examples are provided in the upcoming paragraphs with respect
the
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to the
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statement.
According to
mythology, various incidences took place in history
wheresome
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where some
of
the
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apply
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popular musicians like kanakadasa will be greeted by the Kings on special days in the Palace and
conduct
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conducted
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a few programmes which permit all common people within the Mansion in order to have fun and share the joys between all the pupils. There are several proofs
has
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have
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been organised by a few researchers by publishing the paintings earlier which is drawn by
paintersduring
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painters during
the early period. At present, we could able to see some of the series or movies which clearly expanded the moment.
Hence
,
thesame
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the same
system was carried out by the people for a tightening of the relationship. In modern days, various rituals were
diminishedeach
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diminished each
day
due to
a busy schedules
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busy schedules
a busy schedule
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but the wedding occasion and weekend parties could able to see everyone spending their moments with songs and orchestra. Because
,
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apply
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the people believe music is long term relaxation for all ages. During the new year, in most
of
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apply
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the themetropolitan
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themetropolitan
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the metropolitan
cities, all aged individual family members and friends will get together at midnight. During Christmas, in the church can see some choir will be sung by girls and move to each house as
partt
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part
of their culture.
Thus
, it is proven that music is the best medicine for hands together. In conclusion, I am agreeing with the statement provided that the orchestra, concert and other musical management programs will make
thecommunity
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the community
hands up without any differentiation of any age
as well as
culture.
Submitted by aishwaryarkunnummal on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • transcend
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural barriers
  • linguistic barriers
  • cultural exchange
  • traditions
  • instruments
  • rhythms
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • diversity
  • intergenerational bonding
  • age gap
  • popular music trends
  • global events
  • festivals
  • shared experiences
  • sense of community
  • technological advances
  • digital platforms
  • streaming services
  • accessible
  • cross-cultural
  • connections
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