IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #focus #resources #animals #birds
There is no doubt that these days few people
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
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 about the energy and money
wasts
Correct your spelling
wasted
to
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
animals
 alive. The question is, is it worth
to concentrate
Change the verb form
concentrating
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 and investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 wild
animals
? In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I’m going to discuss the benefit of protecting
animals
comparison
Change preposition
in comparison
show examples
 with investing in other
sectors
.
then
 draw my own conclusion. In terms of the positive side,
vast
Add an article
the vast
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 majority of people promoted
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 our
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 to protect wild
animals
. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that saving Baird and wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 contributed
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 economic growth .To illustrate,
a
Change the article
an
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 enormous of
saudi
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Saudi
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 families spend around 400 rials on zoo tickets per month
as
Change preposition
for
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entertainment
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an entertainment
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place
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places
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.
another
Change preposition
In another
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 word, focusing on zoo and jungle development assists
attracting
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in attracting
show examples
 tourists and citizens to
visited
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visit
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.
hence
 ,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 sufficient money and energy to conserve wild
animals
 alive lead to a positive effect on the economic
sector
.
however
, others believe it’s better to invest in the most vital
sector
.
firstly
,
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
 on the educational
sector
 leads to accelerate development.
In other words
,
In other words
, spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community education is reflecting
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
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all
sectors
 including protecting wild
animals
 , which
meaning
Change the form of the verb
means
show examples
 increased society’s awareness of
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 Rights.
secondly
, the technology investment has the
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 equivalent
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spending on
Add an article
the zoo
a zoo
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zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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.
This
 is because,
it’s enable
Change the verb form
it enables
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 children to
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 huge knowledge and enjoyable
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the concept seen on TV about the
animals
such
 as international geographic channel and video games ,
such
 as happy
farmes
Correct your spelling
farmers
 games .
Thus
 focusing on different
sectors
 has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 considerable impact in general. In conclusion,
although
animals
-live play
critical
Correct article usage
a critical
show examples
 role in our
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, investing in
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 has equal’s
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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, I strongly believe we should
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
concentration
Replace the word
concentrate
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 educational and technology
sectors
 which are lead to economic growth faster than spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
birde
Correct your spelling
birds
 and wild
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
animals
 live.
Submitted by ehaab_3144 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wildlife conservation
  • ecosystem preservation
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • ecological balance
  • ethical responsibility
  • economic benefits
  • endangered species
  • poaching
  • education and awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: