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The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
According to
 the bar chart, in 1995 around 50% of the
people
 were born in the
cities
 of
Australia
 and 60% were born in
cities
 outside
Australia
.
People
 born in towns in
Australia
 were 20% and outside
Australia
 were 10%, and those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in rural areas of
Australia
 were around 30% and
outside
Correct pronoun usage
those outside
show examples
Australia
 were 40%.
However
,
according to
 the bar chart of 2010, there was
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in the
percentage
 of
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 inside and outside
cities
Correct article usage
the cities
show examples
 of
Australia
. The
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
cities
Correct article usage
the cities
show examples
 of
Australia
 reached
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 65% and the
percentage
 of
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
Correct article usage
the outside
show examples
cities
 of
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 increased
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 80%.
On the other hand
, there was a decline in the
percentage
 of
people
 born inside and outside towns of
Australia
.
People
 born in towns of
Australia
 reduced to 13% from 20%
while
 outside of
Australia
 it remains almost the same.
Lastly
, there is a sharp decline in the
percentage
 of
people
 born inside and outside of rural areas of
Australia
 in 2010. In
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
show examples
 it is approximately 13%
however
, in the rural areas outside of
Australia
 it reduced from 40% to 5%.
Submitted by tayyabkhalid99 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, australia, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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