Some people believe that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. Others argue that advertisements have a positive impact on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
modern technological era, advertisements
are something that people cannot avoid including children
. Some people argue that it should be banned from children
because it will bring
a negative impact on them Verb problem
have
while
others think conversely
. This
essay will discuss both the negative and positive impact of advertisements
on children
, also
some examples will be provided to make it more clear.
First,
from advertisements
some youngsters maybe can easily get what they want to improve their life. Furthermore
, they can get more information that maybe they never find at school. For example
, some advertisements
today provide clear information based on their target. Moreover
, if they target children
, they can promote something related to children
's needs such
as books or any school materials and sometime
some discounts will be provided to attract their consumers. Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
As a result
, children
do not need to visit stores physically to get any information about things that they want to buy.
However
, some advertisements
today contain adult content. in this
case, it will bring
a negative impact on Verb problem
have
children
because they will easy to
access something Replace the word
easily
that is
unfit for their age. This
content actually can drive children
to try to practice what they see in that
Correct determiner usage
those
advertisements
. For instance
, in some countries, the number of criminal activities related to sexual harassment that commits
by Wrong verb form
committed
children
show
an increasing number of Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
case
. Fix the agreement mistake
cases
in
my point of view, it happens because they can access adult content from Capitalize word
In
advertisements
that showed
when they play online games.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
show
advertisements
in something that people cannot avoid because it is like supply and demand. It is actually can bring both positive and negative impacts but it can be manageable. As a result
. The Positivity of advertisements
will outweigh the negativity.Submitted by rahmad.iriyandi on
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task response
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion, but consider refining your thesis statement to clearly express your opinion or the direction your essay will take. This will make your stance or central argument clearer.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically follows from the one before. This will improve the logical flow of your essay and ensure coherence.
task response
Work on fully developing your ideas with detailed explanations and examples. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence correction
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task response
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument in your essay, which is essential to this task type.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your discussion well.
task achievement
You have included examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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