It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child’s development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role.

In recent years, it is widely recognized that media, pop culture and peers are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
factors that affect a
child
's
development
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
other people say that family plays a crucial role.
This
essay will discuss these both points of view. On the one hand,
children
spend
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of time at school with their classmates. They don’t want to be distinguished from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
they behave like peers.
Moreover
, nowadays, approximately everyone has a phone or laptop, which depends on the
child
's
development
. Students believe in what they see on TV.
For instance
, when they see a toy in
advertisement
Add an article
the advertisement
an advertisement
show examples
,
parents
will be begged to buy it.
Last
but not least, when it comes to movies, young adults want to copy behaviour from their favourite characters, which is not always a swell idea.
On the other hand
,
children
are being raised by
parents
. As can be expected,
parents
instilled good and major values. They are always present in young adults' lives at
this
stage.
Furthermore
, when a
child
behaves in an appropriate way, it can impose punishment. When they go to school, they know basic rules,
for instance
, how to behave during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes. In my opinion,
although
media, acquaintances and pop culture
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
a
child
's
development
, it does not necessarily follow the fact that someone needs to bring them up. That’s why
parents
played the main character in teenagers' lives. In conclusion, it may be correct to say that
parents
affect the choice that
children
make.
Therefore
, I believe that it is
parents
who influence
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
children
's
development
and broaden their horizons.
Submitted by jula.wierzba on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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