IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#families #influence #children’s #development #factors #home #part #lives
Nowadays the majority of
parents
 think that they do not have a contribution to their
children
's growth but
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that external people have most of the contributions to their lifestyles
however
, I think that even though culture and trends are changing still home members should help their teenagers to learn basic cultural activates. It has been seen in many families that
parents
 are mostly busy with their job as they have to do it for survival under that consideration they are not able to concentrate on family
time
 which is the reason
children
 spends numerous hours playing video games, watching television amongst that they do not wish to be around family conversation.
For example
, many families say that their
children
 like to eat food in front of the television or use mobile phones so they do not tend to sit at the dining table
along with
 the family and they accept
equally responsible
Replace the word
equal responsibility
show examples
 for
this
 nature because of not giving the
time
 from at earlier age.
Thus
, the
parents
 should
also
 get some
time
 for them and tell them about the values and culture of their prosperity.
On the other hand
, it is true that technology has boomed as compared to past years and it has increased several jobs in the market
that is
 why
children
 longest serving in front of the computer rather than involving themselves in family conversation but it has
also
 negative affect in their lives
such
 as scrolling the reels on Tik tok and YouTube and after that they
also
 try to overtake the same version which they have watched, Certainly, it is a waste of
time
hence
,
parents
 should keep the eye of them so that it will not spoil their career. In a nutshell, Family has a vital role in an individual gain and they should work on improvisation to balance their personal and work lives so that they can provide better knowledge for their advancement.
Submitted by aditibedi34 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure to directly address the essay prompt and provide a clear, well-structured response.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clearer and better-organized introduction and conclusion to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proliferation
  • Media
  • Technology
  • Peer influence
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Educational institutions
  • Character building
  • Social norms
  • Global community
  • Cultural exchange
  • Marketing
  • Advertising
  • Preferences
  • Values
  • Government policies
  • Standardized education
  • Child welfare programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: