IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life #extents
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The statement that "
women
 are better at
childcare
 than
men
" is a stereotype that has been perpetuated in many cultures.
However
,
this
 assertion is not based on any scientific evidence or empirical data.
While
 it is true that
women
 have traditionally taken on the role of primary caregiver,
this
 is not because they are inherently better at it, but rather because of social and cultural norms that have reinforced
this
gender
 role.
Furthermore
, the idea that
women
 should focus more on raising children and less on their working life is a form of
gender
 discrimination.
Women
 have the right to pursue their own aspirations and career goals, just as
men
 do. Denying them
this
 opportunity on the basis of their
gender
 is unfair and unjust. Research has shown that children benefit from having
both
 parents involved in their upbringing. When
both
 parents are equally involved in
childcare
, children tend to have better social, emotional, and cognitive outcomes.
Therefore
, it is important for
both
men
 and
women
 to be actively involved in parenting and to have the opportunity to balance their work and family responsibilities. In conclusion, it is important to recognize that the notion that "
women
 are better at
childcare
 than
men
" is a stereotype without empirical evidence, and the idea that
women
 should prioritize their
childcare
 responsibilities over their work is a form of
gender
 discrimination. It is essential to promote
gender
 equality and support
both
men
 and
women
 in their parenting and career aspirations.
Submitted by 1225584991 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary caregivers
  • biological factors
  • maternal instincts
  • nurturing
  • workforce
  • career growth
  • income equality
  • family dynamics
  • shared responsibility
  • gender stereotypes
  • economic disparities
  • traditional roles
  • modern family
  • active roles in childcare
  • opportunity and support
What to do next:
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