IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Parents should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose path they like. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#parents #pressure #children #profession #people #freedom #path
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Parents
Use synonyms
 should not pressure their
children
Use synonyms
 to choose
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 profession. Young
people
Use synonyms
 should have the freedom to choose
path
Add an article
the path
show examples
 they like. To what
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 do you agree or disagree? Nowadays every individual has a right to choose what is good or bad for them.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to
dicede
Correct your spelling
decide
 the path they desire freely, others oppose
this
Linking Words
 idea. I
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
show examples
 that everyone can choose the right path for themselves. Why I choose
this
Linking Words
 way, I will explain in my essay. Choosing a career is a critical and crucial decision for a large number of young
people
Use synonyms
 themselves. But some
parents
Use synonyms
 want to make their dreams come true of having the perfect job through their child.
For instance
Linking Words
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
country's
Change noun form
countries
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 take a decision on
adolescents
Change noun form
adolescents'
adolescent's
show examples
 future goals which
further
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 the problem of less independence in the youth.
This
Linking Words
 is can prevent young
people
Use synonyms
 from being independent and free in society.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should strive to create an environment that encourages
children
Use synonyms
's talents and passions. To put it simply,
parents
Use synonyms
 expect their
children
Use synonyms
 to live well and
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
happy
Change the word
happily
show examples
 and build a bright future for them.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, it is unwise to accept
parents
Use synonyms
'
arrangement
Fix the agreement mistake
arrangements
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 it takes freedom away from
children
Use synonyms
. In a
nutshell
Add a comma
,nutshell
show examples
 every citizen can make up their own life
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their own struggles and successes. Plumping someone's life is not an appropriate decision as it can take someone's privilege too.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I definitely believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should avoid pressuring their
children
Use synonyms
 to follow specific career paths. Young
people
Use synonyms
 need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom and parental support in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 future career.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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