IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job
The phenomenon of
people
 who can do their dream
jobs
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 better than those who cannot
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as
people
's views on
this
 issue in question may be, I totally agree that there are more benefits for the
people
 who can enjoy
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
. Of all the reasons why there are more advantages if
people
 enjoy their
jobs
, probably the most significant one is that
people
 would have higher
archievement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 if their
job
 is what they want to do. To illustrate,
people
 have more motion
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them willing to spend time on their
jobs
.
Therefore
, they can finish more tasks and have better
proformance
Correct your spelling
performance
 than others who
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
.
Consequencly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, those
people
 who
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to enjoy their working environment would accomplish more goals. Another reason that we should not be overlooked is that
this
 is the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 leading human society enhancement. New ideas usually come from those
people
 who can feel passion
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
, and the current development of our
wold
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 is a result of massive ideas created by our ancestors. To maintain
this
 motion and
creativities
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
,
people
 must enjoy their work. You can imagine someone
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 about his
daliy
Correct your spelling
daily
 work, and how can they come up
some
Change preposition
with some
show examples
 unique and creative ideas.
Hence
, enjoying your
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 is essential for the development of humanity. Under
this
 line of thinking, it seems to me that doing a
job
 that you can enjoy would make us
Add the particle
tocontinue
show examples
continue
Replace the word
continuously
show examples
 improve, increase the quality of work and have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 chance of success. So, I completely agree that
people
 should attempt to find a
job
 that they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 want it.
Submitted by frankyimp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: