IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays the majority of people are facing the problems with obesity.What are the possible solutions and how it can be tackled?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Globally,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is becoming a rampant issue that has been encountered among offspring and
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend and
also
Linking Words
 will provide some possible solutions to them.
One
Use synonyms
 of the main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 become obese is automation.In our
modernisationed
Correct your spelling
modernisation
modernization
 world,
due to
Linking Words
 the ease and comfort that comes
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 using technology,
people
Use synonyms
 become lazy and have
adapted
Correct your spelling
adopted
show examples
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 unwittingly.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 were not
overweight
Add an article
an overweight
show examples
generation
Correct article usage
a generation
show examples
 ago,because they had to walk several miles from
one
Use synonyms
 place to another
one
Use synonyms
,but
this
Linking Words
 no longer occurred
due to
Linking Words
 the arrival of automobiles.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
people
Use synonyms
 have
also
Linking Words
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 eating scheme.Today's
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 would rather purchase junk food for themselves and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their heirs ,
instead
Linking Words
 of cooking healthy homemade food,because of
scarcity
Add an article
the scarcity
a scarcity
show examples
 of adequate time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 busy work timetables.
As a result
Linking Words
,they gain a lot of calories
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
 from the ingestion of unhealthy meals l.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming less physically developed.
However
Linking Words
 ,fortunately,there are few solutions available to address these setbacks.First of all,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should reduce plenty of inventions that call
idolentness
Correct your spelling
idleness
,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 cars.
Also
Linking Words
 from the perspective of the person,
people
Use synonyms
 have to take responsibility for their health,
for instance
Linking Words
 deciding a minute walk
instead
Linking Words
 of driving
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
 or watching TV.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can create awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 in the communities by running free and educational campaigns that will attract all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age groups. All things considered,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is not only
one
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 dilemma,but a global warning and our dependency on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
machinery
also
Linking Words
 our unhealthy eating disorders are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 contributors to the epidemic of
obesity
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,in my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
tacking
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
 ownership of their health
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
self discipline
Add a hyphen
self-discipline
show examples
 and authority collaborations are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 steps
of
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 figuring out
this
Linking Words
 conundrum

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: