IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that to reduce the amount of time people spend commuting (travelling to work), parks and gardens close to city centres should be replaced by apartment buildings for commuters to live in. However, others disagree with this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #amount #time #work #parks #gardens #city #centres #apartment #buildings #commuters
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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 assert that green spaces
such
Linking Words
 as parks and
gardens
Use synonyms
 should be replaced by residential areas for enhancing family connections
as well as
Linking Words
 to reduce traffic congestion,
while
Linking Words
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 are against it.Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views will be discussed below.
According to
Linking Words
 many individuals, replacing
gardens
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
 city centres would be helpful to increase love,
affection
Correct word choice
and affection
show examples
 among families because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families
Add an article
the families
show examples
 are employed , they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough time to spend together , but staying together there would be
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
familiar
 barriers;
as a result
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,
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
happier families and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances of
separtion
Correct your spelling
separation
.
Moreover
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, another positive side would be less
congetion
Correct your spelling
congestion
 on road .
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, most of all family members have their own
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 of
tranpotaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
,they prefer to go by their own
vechile
Correct your spelling
vehicle
;
therefore
Linking Words
, traffic on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased as compared to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 ,
while
Linking Words
 having residential spaces
people
Use synonyms
 have to stay home .
According to
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 the opponents, one of the biggest advantages of having parks and
gardens
Use synonyms
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 can stay healthy, they can
easiliy
Correct your spelling
easily
 perform their regular
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
such
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 as yoga, walking and running, if
Linking Words
this areas
Change the determiner
this area
these areas
show examples
 would be demolished
then
Linking Words
 they will not have space for
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 activities.It could lead to serious health
issuses
Correct your spelling
issues
 like
obseity
Correct your spelling
obesity
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will suffer not physically but
also
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 mentally.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
, there would be more air pollution by having more industrial buildings
whereas
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 greenery is helpful to purify the air and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
keep the environment pollution free. In conclusion, no doubt ,both aspects have their own positive and negative sides,but
according to
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 my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should not demolish parks and
gardens
Use synonyms
 for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 because it not only helps
people
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy but
also
Linking Words
 keep
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 pollution free.
Submitted by navjotguri on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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