IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.
#information #water #consumption #two #countries
A glance at the graph given reveals the global usage of
water
 from 1900 to 2000.
Whereas
, the table shows the amount of
water
consumption
 in
Brazil
 and Congo in 2000.
Overall
, it is apparent that all the sectors of worldwide
water
use
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 over the period with farming as the highest sector in global
water
use
. Meanwhile,
Brazil
 had much more personal
water
consumption
 than Congo. Looking at the line chart, in 1900,
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
sector
Change noun form
sector's
show examples
use
 of
water
 stood at around 500 Km3, which peaked at 3000 Km3
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. Meanwhile, the
use
 for industrial
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 remained stable at approximately 100 Km3 in 40 years before it gradually increased to about 500 Km3 in 1980. After that, it accounted
to climb
Change the verb form
climbed
show examples
 significantly to around 1200 Km3.
Lastly
, the amount of international
water
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 for domestic
aim
Fix the agreement mistake
aims
show examples
 unchanged
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 6 decades,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
followed by a moderate growth to about 400 Km3 in the
last
 year.
Additionally
, in
Brazil
, the
consumption
 of
water
 per person was 359 m3, with 26,500 km2
irrigated
Change preposition
of irrigated
show examples
 land and
176
Correct article usage
a 176
show examples
 million population.
On the other hand
, Congo had
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 population than
Brazil
 accounting for 5.2 million, with 100 Km2 irrigated land and 8 m3
water
Change preposition
of water
show examples
consumption
 per person.
Submitted by iamlearner9697 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, consumption, brazil, use, km with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: