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Band 5.5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not have strict laws is a better policy.

#countries #ages #people #drink #laws #policy
Nowadays, drinking become a
globe
Replace the word
global
show examples
 culture, most of the country believes that some
restrictions
 on the age of drinking drinks should be attached
while
 other parts of the country think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
not
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 strict limitations is a better option. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and provide my own point of view.
Firstly
 ,it is important to acknowledge and educate that
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers are in
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 impact period of growth, both physically and mentally. If they were allowed to
drink
 without any limitations, it’s would be
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 effect badly to
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 physical and mental well-being . Literally, teenagers groups are very
curiosity
Replace the word
curious
show examples
 to learn become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 adult ,
for instance
, we can see from the news and real scenario that teenagers very easily effect by their peers, some youth on the news
as well as
 they pretend an adult to purchased alcohol in
bottle
Add an article
a bottle
show examples
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 or illegally
drink
 in the bar. We can imagine if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 doesn’t set any rules ,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
legal drinking age is the best possible way
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 harm young people
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 alcohol-related problems later in life .
On the other hand
 ,other countries believe not
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 strict laws is a better policy, because most of the percentage amount survey was found out , these people
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
, they do not
drink
 alcohol, so
that is
 not a big deal for them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they have their own belief, the self-control ability which are cover the
restrictions
 as they thought. In conclusion, freedom without rules and
restrictions
 are depend on the culture and how of the regarding of the guidance of the counties , I strongly think
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
 legal ages
drink
restrictions
 can prevent youth and create a chance to think twice before they
drink
.
Submitted by crystal2005cps on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
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