IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food and drinks that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#shops #food #drinks #people #health
What we eat and drink has been known to impact our lives significantly and the measure at which we consume these items have constantly been modified
as a result
 of
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
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 in research and technology. In recent times, some food and
drinks
 have been labelled by
scientific
Add an article
the scientific
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 as being unsafe especially, in relation to
health
. Some schools of thought are of the opinion that these harmful
substances
 should not be sold in markets. I strongly agree with
this
 proposition as it
is has
Change the verb form
has
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 more benefits when compared to the alternative.
Firstly
,
this
 reduces the economic effect that will arise from sicknesses and diseases. The human body system functions based on what goes into it.
Hence
, an inflow of good
substances
 into the body implies better functioning of the body
whereas
 taking in dangerous ones
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 ill
health
. When more individuals develop poor
health
 because of
this
, the government spends more funds to cater for their
health
 which would have been avoided if those
substances
 were banned from shops. An example can be seen in the reduction of birth defects recorded
as a result
 of the ban on the use of thalidomide.
Secondly
, it
also
 promotes the social
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Some
substances
 found in food and
drinks
 can negatively influence a person psychologically and socially. These constituents of food and
drinks
 may exert their influence by causing poor vision, delusions or irrational thinking in people who consume them and because of
these
Add a comma
,these
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 they may engage in crimes
such
 as overspeeding, theft, rape and so on. But when these
substances
 are prohibited,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to them is dramatically reduced.
For example
, the banning of marijuana from the market has caused a reduction in
Marijuana related
Add a hyphen
Marijuana-related
show examples
 crimes. In conclusion, I agree that unsafe foods and
drinks
 should not be sold in stores because of the deleterious effects
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will have on the economy and society.
Submitted by Gej@22 on

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