IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food and drinks that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#shops #food #drinks #people #health
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What we eat and drink has been known to impact our lives significantly and the measure at which we consume these items have constantly been modified
as a result
Linking Words
 of
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
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 in research and technology. In recent times, some food and
drinks
Use synonyms
 have been labelled by
scientific
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the scientific
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study
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studies
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 as being unsafe especially, in relation to
health
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. Some schools of thought are of the opinion that these harmful
substances
Use synonyms
 should not be sold in markets. I strongly agree with
this
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 proposition as it
is has
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has
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 more benefits when compared to the alternative.
Firstly
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,
this
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 reduces the economic effect that will arise from sicknesses and diseases. The human body system functions based on what goes into it.
Hence
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, an inflow of good
substances
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 into the body implies better functioning of the body
whereas
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 taking in dangerous ones
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 ill
health
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. When more individuals develop poor
health
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 because of
this
Linking Words
, the government spends more funds to cater for their
health
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 which would have been avoided if those
substances
Use synonyms
 were banned from shops. An example can be seen in the reduction of birth defects recorded
as a result
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 of the ban on the use of thalidomide.
Secondly
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, it
also
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 promotes the social
wellbeing
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well-being
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Some
substances
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 found in food and
drinks
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 can negatively influence a person psychologically and socially. These constituents of food and
drinks
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 may exert their influence by causing poor vision, delusions or irrational thinking in people who consume them and because of
these
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,these
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 they may engage in crimes
such
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 as overspeeding, theft, rape and so on. But when these
substances
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 are prohibited,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to them is dramatically reduced.
For example
Linking Words
, the banning of marijuana from the market has caused a reduction in
Marijuana related
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Marijuana-related
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 crimes. In conclusion, I agree that unsafe foods and
drinks
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 should not be sold in stores because of the deleterious effects
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will have on the economy and society.
Submitted by Gej@22 on

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