IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Many health problems nowadays are exacerbated by high
sugar
 intake in the general population. Many processed food and drink have sky-high levels of
sugar
 which is harmful to health . Some
people
 think that these
products
 should be charged higher to discourage
people
 from purchasing them. I totally disagree with
this
 approach as it is going to be a burden to consumers and there are other methods that can help tackle
this
 problem. One of the main reasons that I disagree with making sugary food expensive is that it is going to increase the burden, especially for financially disadvantaged groups.
Moreover
, we have to admit that everyone would sometimes
haas
Correct your spelling
have
sweet
Correct article usage
a sweet
show examples
 tooth and crave sweet food. If they are made much more costly than they currently are, it will be difficult for
people
 to enjoy them.
Furthermore
,
products
 like cookies and carbonated sugary drinks are convenient to bring along on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long-hour journeys to give us an energy boost. Another reason I disagree with making sugary
products
 more expensive is there are many other ways to solve
this
 problem.
Firstly
, adequate education should be given at school so children are aware of the harmful effects of taking too much
sugar
.
Secondly
, the government should ensure that the labels for these
products
 are precise and clear so it does not mislead consumers . Frequent awareness campaigns via social media and television can
also
 remind the general public to consume
sugar
 in moderation. In conclusion, I strongly disagree that
products
 with high
sugar
 content should be made more expensive as a way to promote less
sugar
 intake.
This
 method will strain the finances of
people
, and there are many other better ways to help solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by chiniey on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: