Scientists advise people to lead a healthy lifestyle, but most people continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think it is and what can do with it?
Scientists advise people to be healthy, but most
citizens
keep going with unhealthy Use synonyms
activities
. Why Use synonyms
i
think it is and What Change the capitalization
I
i
can do with it will be explained in the following paragraph.
One of the most obvious reasons why commoners keep doing unhealthy Change the capitalization
I
activities
is laziness. Use synonyms
this
causes negative effects on people’s Linking Words
habit
. Fix the agreement mistake
habits
For instance
, Linking Words
according to
a recent study from the Faculty of Science, at Harvard University, 80% of U.S. Linking Words
citizens
tend to eat junk foods more than nutrient-dense foods Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
its
taste and convenience. Being not used to changing eating is another issue that Correct pronoun usage
their
lead
people to have bodyweight Change the verb form
leads
problem
.
To solve Fix the agreement mistake
problems
this
problem, the government should Linking Words
lunch
a campaign for Correct your spelling
launch
citizens
to be healthier Use synonyms
such
as running. To illustrate Linking Words
this
, a survey recently concluded by BBC News revealed that one-fourths of Linking Words
American
willingly do Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
the
physical Correct article usage
apply
activities
4 days a week and change Use synonyms
eating
Correct pronoun usage
their eating
habit
for their health Fix the agreement mistake
habits
due to
the campaign. Linking Words
furthermore
, the government should have to promote Linking Words
about
awareness of Change preposition
apply
commoners
health.
Change noun form
commoners'
commoner's
To conclude
, Why most Linking Words
citizens
keep going with unhealthy Use synonyms
activities
is Use synonyms
about
their laziness Change preposition
of
as well as
their bad Linking Words
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
and
What to do with Correct word choice
apply
it
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
government
should Correct article usage
the government
lunch
a campaign and promote Correct your spelling
launch
about
health awareness.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by amittawin on
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task achievement
Work on improving clarity and grammatical accuracy in your sentences. For example, 'Why i think it is and What i can do with it will be explained in the following paragraph' should be 'Why I think this is the case and what can be done about it will be explained in the following paragraphs.'
task achievement
Consider providing more comprehensive responses by expanding on your ideas. For instance, the role of unhealthy lifestyle advertisements, or social influences to further explore why people continue unhealthy habits.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by linking ideas more explicitly. Use more transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally,' to maintain the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed and offers a final insight or call to action on the issue discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in organizing thoughts.
task achievement
You've included examples to support your points, like the surveys from Harvard and BBC which are effective in illustrating your arguments.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.