Scientists advise people to lead a healthy lifestyle, but most people continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think it is and what can do with it?
The recommendations from many scientists suggest that
people
should have a healthy lifestyle, but most people
prefer with
unhealthy activities. In Change preposition
apply
this
essay, I will identify that
why individuals continue to do Correct word choice
apply
like
that and how to persuade them to have better activities.
First of all, in the modern lifestyle Change preposition
apply
that
everything seems to be Correct pronoun usage
apply
go
fast, Change the form of the verb
going
people
Correct word choice
and people
Add a missing verb
are addict
addict
to Replace the word
addicted
convenient
. Fast foods are Replace the word
convenience
most
favor to consume as it really quick and easy to findCorrect article usage
the most
it
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
In the
study from Change preposition
The
Correct article usage
the National
National
Nutrition Add a comma
National,
Institude
reported that 99.99% of junk foods contain more calories and Correct your spelling
Institute
full
of bad fat Add a missing verb
are full
while
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
has
less nutrition. Correct subject-verb agreement
have
In addition
, in the world-wide technology world, individual
spend a lot of time Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
to stay
on Change the verb form
staying
the
Correct article usage
apply
chair
Fix the agreement mistake
chairs
that
they can easily enjoy Correct word choice
so that
daily-life
Correct your spelling
daily life
while
scrolling the smartphone like watching movies, finding clothes, and connecting to everyone with social media. Those lifestyles can lead to serious health problems such
as heart disease, obesity, and diabetes.
To reduce the bad lifestyles, the serious action provided by the government is very importance
. Replace the word
important
For example
, recently, Canada
state launched Change noun form
Canada's
the
tax policy that Correct article usage
a
rose
unhealthy goods, including foods, cigarettes, and Verb problem
reduced
alcohol-drinking
and cut down Correct your spelling
alcohol drinking
healthy
inventories tax. The pleasure results Correct article usage
the healthy
shown
that over 85% of Wrong verb form
show
Canadian
prefer to buy Fix the agreement mistake
Canadians
the
healthy products leading to significantly Correct article usage
apply
reduce
obesity and diabetes disease.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
reduced
while
the fast-paced world leads the most people
to have bad
consequence lifestyle, it has a way to improve by educating Correct article usage
a bad
people
and concentrated
action from government.Wrong verb form
concentrating
Submitted by amittawin on
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Grammar
Work on avoiding grammar errors and improving the flow of your sentences. Review basic grammar rules, particularly verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
Supporting Details
Provide more supporting details and examples to reinforce the main points in your essay. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Idea Development
Develop your ideas further to make them clearer and more comprehensive. This could involve deeper analysis or more elaborate explanations.
Vocabulary
Try to use a more varied vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate your language skills effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay identifies the reasons why individuals continue with unhealthy activities and suggests ways to persuade them to adopt a healthier lifestyle, which addresses the task requirements well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the argument.
Supporting Examples
Good attempt at providing relevant examples, such as the mention of the fast food industry and taxation policy in Canada.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.