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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows how chocolate is produced. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram shows how chocolate is produced. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#chocolate #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
 of manufacturing
chocolate
Use synonyms
 .
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 there are 10 steps involved in
process
Use synonyms
 of producing
chocolate
Use synonyms
 , beginning with the growth of
Use synonyms
cacao
Correct article usage
the cacao
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 tree and ending
wwith
Correct your spelling
with
 the pressing inner part of
Use synonyms
cacao
Correct article usage
the cacao
show examples
 .
Linking Words
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the first stage, the
cacao
Use synonyms
 tree for making
chocolate
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 is grown in South America,
Afica
Correct your spelling
Africa
,
Indonesia
Correct word choice
and Indonesia
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.
At
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In
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 the second step, the pods of
cacao
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 are harvested and white
beans
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also
Linking Words
 are classified. After that, the
beans
Use synonyms
 continue
to
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apply
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the
process
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 of fermentation and
then
Linking Words
 they are made to dry under the sun . Following
by
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apply
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the drying step, the dried
beans
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 are contained in large sacks that are transported by train or lorry to take to
factory
Add an article
the factory
a factory
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 ,
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
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.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the
beans
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 come in the roasting
process
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with
Change preposition
at
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 high
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
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. At the night stage , the main material for producing
chocolate
Use synonyms
 start
carry
Wrong verb form
carrying
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 out the crushing step in order to separate
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
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 shell of
Use synonyms
cacao
Correct article usage
the cacao
show examples
. Ending with , liquid
chocolate
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 is produced by the way that
inner
Correct article usage
the inner
show examples
 part of
cacao
Use synonyms
 is pressed .
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, chocolate, cacao, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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