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Band 3.5

people in many countries consider the influence of role models on young generation's lives to be important. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #influence #role #models #generation #lives
These days many
people
the
Add a missing verb
have the
show examples
 influence of
role
models
 so ,some
people
 think
that is
 good for young
people
 influence by
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
role models
a role model
show examples
role
models
,
while
 others believe
that is
 not good for young
people
 influence by
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
role models
a role model
show examples
role
models
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand,
role
model
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 is not good for the young generation.
For example
, when
role
models
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 something not good like drink beer or drugs they can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 young
people
 so,that's why some think
that is
 dentures.
On the other hand
, the
role
model
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 is the best idol for young
people
.To illustrate, when
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 something good like
donate
Change the verb form
donating
show examples
 to the poor community they can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 young
people
.
Hence
 the belief
that is
 the best thing idol can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 young
people
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 the
role
model
 is the best way to change
life
 any person has a big dream.For an instance, some
role
models
 in the past had a hard
life
 or some do not has a job, but after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they fixed our problem and get the dream
life
.
This
 proves clearly that makes young
people
 do anything they dreamed of. In conclusion,after analysing both points of view, I believe that a good
role
model
 can change any
life
 for young
people
. In the end, we can say that
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 must be good when they know about influencing young
people
.
Submitted by keekrztop on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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