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Band 4.5

IELTS 12 - Test 6 - At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Recently, the proportion of young adults
is
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has
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increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
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 drastically compared to elderly
people
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. I believe that the merits of
this
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 situation supersede the drawbacks of the situation. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss some advantages of having higher youth in a
nation
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such
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 as the economic growth of a
country
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, and some disadvantages including increasing
crime
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 rate. There are some negative aspects of a larger sum of the young
generation
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.
Firstly
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, one of the demerits of more youngsters is that
crime
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 rates often surge in that
nation
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. As young population usually
engage
Correct subject-verb agreement
engages
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 in various types of offences including burglary, and reckless behaviour, compared to old inhabitants.
Secondly
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, a larger figure of young can create a higher proportion of unemployment in a
country
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. As elderly
people
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 are set in their ways, youngsters often suffer from unemployment because the number of jobs in a
country
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 is limited.
For example
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, in India, most of the new graduates could not find jobs as the number of jobs is very low compared to the number of graduates, which is why a lot of young
people
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 remain jobless.
Therefore
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, the young
generation
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 tends to
increase
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 the percentage of
crime
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 rate as they often remain unemployed.
However
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, these demerits are not major because young
people
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 can overcome these by self-employment. Despite these above-mentioned drawbacks, there are some positive aspects.
To begin
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 with, most of the elder
people
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 are already retired,
although
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 the young
generation
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 is a strong workforce for a
nation
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 as they will not be retiring soon. To elaborate, youngsters can have a significant impact on economic growth.
Furthermore
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, often young
generation
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tends
Rephrase
often tends
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 to become more innovative and creative. Since they can put more effort than old adults, their innovative ideas can help to
increase
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 the growth of a
country
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's economy.
For instance
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, China's economy has been growing for many years just
for
Change preposition
because of
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 the youth population's new innovative technology.
Thus
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, a
country
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's young adults are vital for its economy, which is a major benefit.
To conclude
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, there are some positive sides including strengthening the workforce, innovation and creativity that
increase
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 financial stability,
whereas
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 there are some demerits as well
such
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 as the
increase
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 in
crime
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 and unemployment. I believe that there are a plethora of benefits
that
Correct word choice
and
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 negative aspects of the higher portion of youth in a
nation
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.

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear opinion but the support for the opinion is not fully developed. Ensure that the advantages and disadvantages are discussed in more detail to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is evident, but the introduction and conclusion could be strengthened. Additionally, the supporting points need to be linked more effectively to improve coherence and cohesion.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • energy
  • innovation
  • economy
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • adaptable
  • learn
  • culture
  • society
  • tourists
  • downside
  • unemployment
  • resources
  • education
  • housing
  • healthcare
  • government
  • budget
  • skills
  • migrate
  • opportunities
  • demographic
  • problem
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