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Band 4.5

people in many countries consider the influence of role models on young generation's lives to be important. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #influence #role #models #generation #lives
Everyone has someone in their lives by
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 they are influenced and want to become like them.
However
, the effect of
role
 models on the lives of youth is considered paramount by people in a lot of countries. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons why I am
proponent
Add an article
a proponent
show examples
 of
this
 thought. The reason for the great importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
 models in youth is because young blood takes the
person
 to look
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 very seriously and can be convinced by their actions very easily. They would know about the
person
, follow their actions and even perform actions that might be good
as well as
 bad.
For instance
, there is a
punjabi
Change the capitalization
Punjabi
show examples
 singer named Sidhu Moose Waala. No matter how good the
person
 is, he keeps guns with him and supports violence and
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 violent songs but young ones who consider him
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
role
Add an article
a role
show examples
 model
also
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 in violence. So it is
predominent
Correct your spelling
predominant
 for a youngster to choose a
person
 to be his/her mentor wisely.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some people argue that it doesn't matter whom the individual considers as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ideal as a
person
 learns from his experience in life and will grow as per his/her values that are taught at home or school and what he/she learns from his/her surroundings. Even though that makes sense but the influence of the
role
 model cannot be denied as it gives people a sense of direction and purpose in life. It
also
 helps them to set goals. So to recapitulate, it is very important to have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right
ideal
Correct your spelling
idea
show examples
 for younger ones so that they can have a sense of purpose and
also
 motivation from him/her.
Submitted by er.manmohan7 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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