IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #home #six #seven #years #school #age
As an increasing number of people are concerned about
children
's
education
, it's interesting to analyse the
children
's age and which year they should go to
school
. It's hard to deny that if
children
 could stay at home until six or seven years old, it will reduce the cost for families.
However
, I strongly hold that
children
 attending
school
 as soon as possible have brought more advantages. First and foremost, studying at
school
 early is better since it's a good way to practice
children
's independence. As we know, a
school
 is like a small society
that is
 not only for studying but
also
school
 could improve
children
's different abilities. To be more specific,
children
 have more chances to express themselves and make friends in
school
.
Kids
 could learn how to communicate with other
kids
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
. It could improve their social ability.
In addition
 , I believed that
school
 has their professional
education
 background to support
chidlren
Correct your spelling
children
 develop their studying ability. Because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents
Add an article
the parents
show examples
 have no experience in how to give
children
 primary
education
.
Therefore
,
children
 studying at
school
 early will be a good way to teach
kids
 how to study.
Furthermore
, a voice arises that
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kids
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
school
 early will increase the cost for families. But in my opinion, it's not hard to address
this
 issue. Because if
parents
 send
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 to primary
school
 early,
also
 they could back working environment early. It means that
parents
 have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to make more money as soon as possible.
Besides
, the government
also
 play an important role for support
children
's
education
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary schools are public
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
,the tuition fees are reasonable for families. The government and schools could help
parents
 to reduce stress for
children
's
education
. In a nutshell, I maintain that
children
 should attend
school
 as soon as possible. The
school
 is normally considered a place for
children
's
education
. It could practice
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 different abilities early and share some of
Add an article
the parents'parents's
show examples
parents'
Change noun form
parents'
show examples
parents
's duties. There are more benefits for social development.
Submitted by zooeyyu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • peer interaction
  • academic foundation
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diversity
  • perspectives
  • acceptance
  • educational resources
  • extracurricular activities
  • learning experience
  • early identification
  • learning disabilities
  • intervention
  • support
  • assistance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: