IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company or organization. What might be the cause? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organization
These days many
people
 like to run up
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 business so, some
people
 think
that is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to
by
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 rich,
while
 others believe
that is
 a big problem when
people
 like to be self-employed.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand, being self-employed is a fast way to be rich, but sometimes you can not make good
money
 for your life.
For example
, when
people
 start
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 business they need
money
 to start and open a
company
 so, that's why some think
that is
 disadvantageous when you lose
money
.
On the other hand
, working for a
company
 or organization is good for keeping your
money
 safe.To illustrate, when
people
 work in a
company
 they take
money
 every month.
Hence
 that belief is good for employees.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 working for a
company
 or organization is make
people
 not care about many.
For instance
, when employees
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 in the
company
 the salary is stable not like self-employed everyday
money
 effect by
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
This
 proves clearly
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work in the
company
 is good for employees. In conclusion, after analysing both points of view, I believe working in the
company
 is good for
people
 who need
stable
Add an article
a stable
the stable
show examples
 salary. In the end,
people
 can do anything to change life for the better.
Submitted by keekrztop on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • independence
  • entrepreneurship
  • overheads
  • global markets
  • niche audiences
  • work-life balance
  • flexible hours
  • traditional employment
  • entrepreneurial culture
What to do next:
Look at other essays: