IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dresscode. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

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In
this
Linking Words
 era of technology, some educational institutions are quite strict about
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their uniforms
show examples
uniform
Use synonyms
 or
student's
Change noun form
student
show examples
 attire
while
Linking Words
 other schools seem very casual in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of their
dresscode
Correct your spelling
dress code
. From my personal point of view,
school
Use synonyms
 uniforms increase safety
however
Linking Words
 people with financial issues find it very hard
follow
Fix the infinitive
to follow
show examples
 the rules.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of pupils having a
school
Use synonyms
uniform
Use synonyms
. The first and foremost benefit of wearing
school
Use synonyms
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
show examples
 is that it
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 safety among
students
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, as
students
Use synonyms
 apply
school
Use synonyms
attires
Fix the agreement mistake
attire
show examples
, they can
be easily recognise
Change the verb form
be easily recognised
show examples
 from a distance based on their tie colour, shoes and name tag.
Therefore
Linking Words
, someone can be easily identified whether he or she is a member of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
institutions
Fix the agreement mistake
institution
show examples
 or not. Other than that, during a trip day, pupils can be easily spotted among crowds thanks to their
uniform
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it will reduce the chance of getting kidnapped or
attack
Wrong verb form
attacked
show examples
 by criminals as
public
Add an article
the public
a public
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 an eye on them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
explaining
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
 of the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 issue
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 with limited financial abilities cannot afford to buy
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
school uniforms
a school uniform
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 uniforms. Since their parents
also
Linking Words
 need to consider other expenses
such
Linking Words
 as annual education fees, necessities and rental fees, they find it hard to buy a complete outfit for their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 can be uncomfortable sometimes especially when the temperatures are warm outside. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
institutions
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to wear suits or jackets which are not
cosy
Rephrase
as cosy
show examples
 as
t-shirts
Capitalize word
T-shirts
show examples
 or shorts.
Thus
Linking Words
, it shows
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of freedom among
students
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nutshell, despite
school
Use synonyms
 outfits
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 safety rates and
looks
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 more
organise
Wrong verb form
organised
show examples
, other parties with low income
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to enjoy its benefits. Hopefully, the government will take
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
appropriate actions to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem in the future.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Consider elaborating more on your examples with specific details to strengthen your arguments and show in-depth understanding of the topic.
grammar and vocabulary
Make sure to proofread your work for minor grammatical errors and phrasing issues, as they can take away from the overall clarity of your message.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of school uniforms, which is an important aspect of the task.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the safety aspect of uniform identification and financial struggles related to purchasing uniforms, are relevant and underscore your main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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