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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

LOGGING OF THE RAINFOREST IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM AND MAY LEAD TO THE EXTINCTION OF ANIMAL LIFE AND HUMAN LIFE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

#rainforest #extinction #life
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Overusing
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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raw materials is a serious issue
to
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for
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natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
 habitat of animals and
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 population.
Therefore
,
deforestation
 which is
resulted
Replace the word
result
show examples
 of logging
of
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into
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 the rainforest
,
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apply
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 is one of the most important
consequence
Change to a plural noun
consequences
show examples
 of
this
 action. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 argument is altogether correct.
Firstly
, logging of the rainforest destroys many
species
' natural habitat and restricts their precious
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
For example
, some of the rare bird
species
 can only live in a tropical climate which is provided by rainforests. Other temperatures above or below
than
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apply
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normal lead to damage
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 circulatory systems.
Secondly
, some climate activists point
that
Change preposition
out that
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 most of the oxygen
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the athmosphere
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athmosphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
, which is necessary for life, is provided by rainforests. It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 people prepare
their
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for their
show examples
dooms-day
Correct your spelling
doomsday
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 with
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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irresponsible actions
such
 as
deforestation
 and depletion of raw materials.
On the other hand
, decreased level of oxygen may lead to irreversible respiratory diseases
such
 as lung cancer and COPD.
Finally
, uncontrolled human actions can have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on both animals and humans.
For instance
, logging of the rainforest and depletion of resources would be proper examples for
this
 argument. In my point of view,
deforestation
 may lead to
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of some animal
species
 and human life.
In addition
, people should aware of the health problems related to logging in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term. In conclusion,
deforestation
due to
 logging is a serious problem because of the consequences on human and animal life. I
am totally agree
Change the verb form
totally agree
show examples
 with that brief result which is highly important for all
species
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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