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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Organised tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is it positive or negative development for local people and the environment?

#tours #places #communities #development #people #environment
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There is no denying the fact that tourism has become a subculture for most people nowadays, not only do they change their
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
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; but
also
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 that they learn more about the lifestyle and the culture of the new place and
also
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 their perspective about their lifestyle.
Therefore
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, many people have organised long trips to new lands.
However
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,
this
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 can be both
upwards
Correct article usage
an upwards
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 and
downwards
Change the word
downward
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 trend for the local residents
as well as
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 the local habitat. I believe it is
economic
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economically
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beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
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 for the local residents to gain from tourists that come to their lands. As if their lands could become a potential tourist
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
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. They could
also
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 show the visitor about the beauty of their culture and their lifestyle
and
Correct word choice
apply
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as well as
Linking Words
 their specialisation in certain jobs that may help pilgrims in their life.
However
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, the local natural habitat won’t be secure
due to
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 the huge amount of rubbish that was thrown by the passengers
due to
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 people's awareness about the environment and the amount of toxic gas
such
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 as carbon dioxide will be thrown out in the air from ground transports
such
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 as cars, motorcycles. The local residents have to be aware of
such
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 matters to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution within their area. In conclusion,
although
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 the local civilians could earn many benefits, there are
also
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 drawbacks
from
Change preposition
to
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 it. But it is a very good opportunity to show outsiders about the culture of their local area.
Submitted by pierre-vandenberg on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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