Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Music
is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
art
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
combining
Wrong verb form
combine
show examples
different communities and
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
one place. Few
people
areguing
Correct your spelling
arguing
it. Here
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
my opinion, I strongly agree
witht
Correct your spelling
with
his statement and
details
Correct article usage
the details
show examples
explained
further
in
this
essay. First and foremost,
music
is the element to represent folk. Despite, each and every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
have
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
own way to come up with different lyrics and instruments to generate a song,
people
enjoys
Change the verb form
enjoy
show examples
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
music
, even though they are not
undestanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
lyrics
Correct article usage
the lyrics
show examples
of the song.
Thus
, it explains that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
language is not a barrier to
feel
Change the verb form
feeling
show examples
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
.
For instance
,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
,
Change preposition
of Jutine
show examples
Jutine
Correct your spelling
Justin
Bieber is
Correct your spelling
Bieber's
show examples
not
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
show examples
, He has a large fan following throughout the world
along with
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
.
Therefore
, it proves that
music
is bringing different nations with their culture together.
In Addition
,
music
directly connects our inner
sould
Correct your spelling
soul
should
.
As a result
, there are some
music
albums
which
Change preposition
to which
show examples
all generations are listening
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
For Example
, Michale Jackson is popular
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
all
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
Thus
, in his concerts variety of age periods are available like children, adults and elders. they all are equally enjoying it.
Moreover
,
music
is in our celebrations too.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
brithday
Correct your spelling
birthday
parties, festivals and wedding
ceremony
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremonies
show examples
,
people
are playing
music
to create
lively
Add an article
a lively
show examples
environment. In Concluding line,
Music
is not only hip-pop which youth
enjoyes
Correct your spelling
enjoy
but
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, elders and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
of communities
also
involving in it. It helps
people
to describe their feelings by playing and listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
like
happy
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
, excitement, sorrow and
angry
Replace the word
anger
show examples
.
Therefore
, there are
bundle
Add an article
a bundle
show examples
of reasons which shows that
people
are coming together through
music
.
Submitted by mayini711 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: