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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The best way to make the road transport of goods safer is to ask drivers to take a driving test each year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#road #transport #goods #drivers #test #year
Some people think that conducting the driving tests every
year
 could be a key factor for the transport system,
while
 others believe that
this
 is not the way to move forward and I completely agree with the latter. In
this
 ,essay I'm going to suggest some solutions with examples to support my view. It is important to consider that organising a driving assessment every
year
 will not ensure complete safety of road transport,
instead
 we can try out a few alternatives like
,
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apply
show examples
 making the assessment more severe and never giving a licence to those who did not complete the full conditions.
That is
 to say, my neighbour joined a driving class and got a thorough knowledge of it. But ,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 he failed to meet the formalities on test day. Meanwhile, even though he failed, as his father was close to the driving school, he gave them additional money and got his son a licence. These kinds of illegal activities happening internally will lead to a number of non-qualified drivers driving, and
as a consequence
, lane accidents may rapidly increase every
year
.
In addition
, the other key factor will be creating an awareness program for the public.
For example
, there are some people who have self-learned driving
instead
 of joining a class,as a
,
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apply
show examples
result they will not be completely aware of the traffic rules which may cause some damage to
this
 community. To avoid
this
, we can
also
 conduct a few exams as they do in the UK to test one's road safety knowledge. These solutions can have a huge impact than conducting tests every
year
 as there is no guarantee that the illegal events which happened in the first place may not occur in the next one. In conclusion,
instead
 of keeping driving tests every
year
, I suggest some solutions like making the driving evaluation severe by conducting a written exam and creating awareness events which may be good for the betterment of road transport.
Submitted by yashwanth1plus on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, but the main points are not well supported. Your essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas, and the examples provided are not always relevant to the point being made. Remember to focus on providing clear and relevant examples to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows a mostly logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the main points are not well supported, and the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Pay more attention to connecting your ideas and providing more coherent arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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