Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children's development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Children these days spend most of their leisure time on
computers
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, playing online
games
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. A group of people opine youngsters should invest more time in outdoor
games
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and I agree with
this
Linking Words
viewpoint to a great extent. I will be looking at the benefits of both computer and outdoor
games
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and outline why one
ove
Correct your spelling
over
rules the other. The young generation lives in
era
Add an article
an era
show examples
where
computers
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and mobile phones are accessible by everyone regardless of their age. one of the
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
of playing with
computers
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is that it helps children to use
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
effortlessly which is a necessary skill in
this
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technological society.
Secondly
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, it
also
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gives the comfort of playing from
ones
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
on house, regardless of the climate or timeline. To exemplify, during covid computer
games
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where
Correct your spelling
were
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the only means to link with your friends and play without the issue of contact and transmitting disease.
Nevertheless
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, playing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature has its own benefits, which can never be out-rated by
computers
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. It helps
the
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apply
show examples
young minds to be physically fit and
develope
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develop
their health and
wellbeing
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well-being
show examples
.
In addition
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, it
also
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helps youngsters to socialise and build
relationship
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relationships
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within their community.
For instance
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,it fosters a child to build their skills in outdoor
games
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like
basket ball
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basketball
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and football, which can promote the young person to compete in national
games
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.
To sum up
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,
eventhough
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even though
playing with
computers
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has
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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on
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own
show examples
advantage, spending time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the ground and breathing fresh air
while
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playing boost children's immunity and health.
Thus
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, playing outside the house is seen to be
beneficial
Correct quantifier usage
more beneficial
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than staying
indoor
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indoors
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with online
games
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.
Submitted by liyajayas on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • benefit
  • development
  • physical
  • promote
  • foster
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • abilities
  • well-being
  • hinder
  • isolation
  • interpersonal skills
  • sedentary
  • exposure
  • negatively affect
  • academic performance
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