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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart illustrates the average amount of
carbon
Use synonyms
dioxide
Use synonyms
 released by a person ( in metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
) in 4 different European countries over the 40-year
peiod
Correct your spelling
period
 of
time
Use synonyms
. The X-axis shows the
time
Use synonyms
 period from 1967 to 2007
while
Linking Words
 the Y-axis gives data on the quantity of
carbon
Use synonyms
dioxide
Use synonyms
 emitted. In the United Kingdom, the CO2 emission decreased gradually over the
time
Use synonyms
 period
whereas
Linking Words
 in Portugal and Italy,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
 significant growth can be observed up until the year 1997 and after that emissions remained almost at the same level in the following 10 years. In
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
show examples
,
Carbon
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dioxide
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 release showed an upward trend from 1967 to 1977 when it peaked,
then
Linking Words
 it declined continuously over the next 30 years.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 out of all 4 countries, the UK was the largest CO2 emitter during the given
time
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 range which was closer to 11 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Portugal was the least contributor which was about 1 metric
Use synonyms
tonnes
Change to a singular noun
tonne
show examples
 in 1967. In 2007, both Sweden and Portugal emitted an equal amount of
Carbon
Use synonyms
dioxide
Use synonyms
 which was around 5.5 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words carbon, dioxide, tonnes, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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