IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve Vinsers’ health is by increasing the number of sports facilities at VinGroup or Vinhomes locations. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health at those sites and that other measures are required. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion

#people #vinsers’ #health #sports #facilities #vingroup #vinhomes #locations #effect #sites #measures
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There are several ways to improve our Vin inhabitants' public
health
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. One of them is increasing the number of
sports
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 facilities to promote
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 participation.
However
Linking Words
, some argue
this
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 solution would be not as effective as other
measures
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,
such
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 as encouraging playing
sports
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 at
current
Change the adjective
currently
show examples
 available sites. Each approach has its merits and demerits;
therefore
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, they should not be overlooked. On one hand, expanding the number of
sport
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-specialized sites will encourage
people
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 to participate in
sports
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 .
This
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 is because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
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such
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populous
Correct article usage
a populous
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 and
densed
Correct your spelling
dense
 city like Hanoi, it is difficult to find a suitable gym
that is
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well equipped
Add a hyphen
well-equipped
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 with new and modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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.
In addition
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, the distance should be taken into consideration since a decent
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 complex might be sometimes out of reach for many
people
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. By constructing new
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities, the exposure to
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 buildings will increase;
therefore
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, more
people
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 will engage in
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities to improve
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health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
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.
Moreover
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, new
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 are safer,
hence
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 preventing users from getting unwanted injuries from broken machines.
On the other hand
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, considering the circumstance of Hanoi as aforementioned, empty space for construction becomes scarce.
Consequently
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, the
expand
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expansion
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 of
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 facilities is not feasible without proper urban planning, especially dedicating a part of the urban area as a
sport
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-focused district. which is demanding and time-consuming.
Therefore
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, alternative solutions might
shows
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show
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 immediate superior efficacy in
this
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 case.
For instance
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, those alternatives include encouraging
people
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 to participate in
sports
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 at
current
Change the adjective
currently
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 available stadiums or holding outdoor marathon competitions to reduce dependence on stadiums. All of
those
Correct determiner usage
the
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 solutions above are cost-efficient and equally beneficial. In my opinion, I believe any
measures
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 can be applied given that we have
adequate
Correct article usage
an adequate
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labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 force and land for construction. New stadiums will be notably significantly beneficial
on
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run
as well as
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 improving the city's aesthetics.
In addition
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, alternative
measures
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 will show their effects immediately and
last
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 for a long time. A perfect approach should be a combination of these
measures
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.
To conclude
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, there is no single best way to improve Vinsers's
health
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. To improve Vinser's
health
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effectively
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effects
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, many
measures
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 must be taken as a whole for synergy to reach
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 maximum
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
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.
Submitted by Andy on

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Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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