In the past, most people lived in the countryside and worked in farming. Some people believe that this was a better way of life than the way most people live today. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Peasants are vigorously significant in our
life
.in the previous decades,people who survived by farming lived in villages, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
,
Change the punctuation
apply
moreover
others fathom that Add a comma
moreover,
this
was a good way of life
rather than today.I completely disagree with this
view because we are living in an era where everything is top-notched and it's making our life
more astounding than ever.
First and foremost, day by day we are becoming more digitalized and living a better life
than ever.To be precise,now we can do any work by using advanced technology ,which makes our life
easier and more comfortable.Apart from
this
,we can generate more food, a better health system and top-notched
transportation.To illustrate Correct your spelling
top-notch
this
,in previous times we can't
export our food out of our own town because we didn't have a good transportation system ,Wrong verb form
couldn't
therefore
most of the farmers can't
able to make benefits.But now we can export our foods, clothes and medicines to any country ,which Verb problem
weren't
also
benefited
poor countries.
Wrong verb form
benefits
Moreover
,we can communicate with anyone in the world beyond our imagination.The mobile phone brings this
revolutionary aspect.Though we face some unwanted problems these can be mitigated by our proper intention.Apart from
this
, we have now a greater education system,which is the primary need in everyone's life
.To illustrate these students are now able to access their necessary things by using computers and phones but in the previous ,times we just went to school and learn
what our teacher taught us.At present time pupils know many things outside of the context,which makes them more intelligent .
In conclusion,today we live in an era where everything is under our control,Wrong verb form
learned
hence
we can live a better life
than ever.Though these inventions create problems like wars,cyber crimes and expensive products these things sort
out by Wrong verb form
are sorted
making
proper steps.Correct your spelling
taking
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and organized structure. The introduction and conclusion need to be more defined. The main points need to be better connected and supported throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
The response to the task is somewhat clear, but the main points could be further developed and supported with relevant examples. Make sure to fully address the prompt, providing a clear stance and supporting arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite