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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates world sales of the top five smartphone brands over a
period
Use synonyms
 of 4 years from 2009 to 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that
Nokia
Use synonyms
 reached the maximum at the start of the
period
Use synonyms
 until the next two years, which was replaced by Samsung
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 time given. In 2009,
Nokia
Use synonyms
 reached a peak of around 440
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and fell gradually
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 250 in 2013. In 2011,
Nokia
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 got a maximum
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 430 and followed by Samsung
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 330
then
Linking Words
 Apple and LG
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 98.
While
Linking Words
 ZTE was the lowest
brands
Fix the agreement mistake
brand
show examples
 just around 51.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Samsung experienced a sharp increase and reached a peak of 450, followed by
Nokia
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Apple
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climbed dramatically and was the highest
from
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the remaining three others brand. Apple stood at 150
at the end
Linking Words
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 time given.
Submitted by mdelvega90 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period, nokia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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