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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows a process of making a storage area from a material called concrete canvas

The diagram shows a process of making a storage area from a material called concrete canvas
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The table shows information about a material called concrete canvas and how to make a storage
area
Use synonyms
 with it. The process
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 through 8 different
stages
Use synonyms
, each has its own methods to complete it perfectly.
Further
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 report will discuss the approach in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 from the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 until the end.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, concrete
canves
Correct your spelling
canvas
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
method used to build storage
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. The first step in making it,
manufacturing
Add a missing verb
is manufacturing
show examples
 which includes several
stages
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as fibrous top surface, dry concrete, and waterproof layer.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
delivering
Wrong verb form
deliver
show examples
 it to the
area
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 unwrapping.
Linking Words
This
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
 is the
stages
Use synonyms
 made in factor before arriving
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the place of
building
Add an article
the building
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
fourth
Change the article
the fourth
show examples
 step is
sppreading
Correct your spelling
spreading
 on the ground when you need a truck, rope,
pegs
Correct word choice
and pegs
show examples
 and
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place within 10 meters.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the builder needs an air pump to make that the door is closed,
then
Linking Words
 start pumping air to make the place
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 temperature. To continue the process,
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
last
Linking Words
stages
Use synonyms
 go through watering,
setteing
Correct your spelling
setting
 and
finally
Linking Words
 storing underground by 8 meters to keep the
whether
Correct your spelling
weather
show examples
 good as enough.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 process
to help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 society if they need to build a storage
area
Use synonyms
 in their areas.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, stages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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